On June 21, Julia and I celebrated 32 years of marriage. We capped off the day by going to the elegant Culpeper State Theater to see Mark Nizer perform live. Mark is a world champion juggler and outrageous comedian.
This morning as I was lying in bed resting and reflecting, I felt prompted to share ten of the most important lessons I have learned about marriage from a husband’s perspective. So here they are:
I was blessed to be raised in a home in which God and family were important. When I said these classic wedding vows, I made a commitment to Julia and to God.
I, Joseph, take you Julia, to be my wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part.
There were several times in my marriage where I felt like walking away, but I didn’t. While I knew love is a choice and not a feeling, at times I had to cry out to God for his mercy and grace to help me see things from His perspective. And somehow He always came through before I threw in the towel.
This October my parents celebrate their 60th wedding anniversary. Having a loving marriage modeled to me when I was growing up and during my years of marriage has been priceless. Thank you Dad and Mom.
2) TREAT YOUR WIFE LIKE A QUEEN and you will be the king of your home.
Proverbs 18;22 says “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD.” That certainly has been true marrying Julia. I think that when we treat our wives as a gift from God, they will indeed be that for us as husbands. I’m proud to say and thankful that Julia is a Proverbs 31 wife and woman.
3) When two people get married, they become ONE FLESH.
This is something my father told me when I was going through a particularly difficult season in my marriage.
When Jesus was asked about divorce, he quoted Genesis 2:24-25 –
“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.”
Pastor Jimmy Evans has the best teaching about this I have ever read in his book, Marriage On The Rock: God’s Design For Your Dream Marriage. Jimmy, founder of Marriage Today, teaches “The #1 role of every husband is to bring your wife to her full potential in God.” See
God’s Role for Men | Marriage Today by Jimmy Evans (YouTube video)
4) PRAY, PRAY, PRAY
The Power of a Praying Husband and The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie Omartian are the best books by far I have ever come across to pray effectively for your spouse and marriage.
Whatever you don’t pray about in your life you leave up to chance. And that’s not good enough when it comes to your marriage. Stormie says, “one thing every woman wants to hear, the thing that will make her feel more loved than anything else, is ‘I’m praying for you today.'”
If you are willing to lay down your life in prayer for your spouse, God will use you to help them become all He has made them to be. In order to do that, however, you have to let God give you a new heart and begin to see your spouse from God’s perspective
5) Love is PATIENT, love is KIND.
Learn to recognize when you are being impatient and unkind and stop or pull away immediately.
To be spiritually healthy, you must ruthlessly eliminate hurry from your life because love and hurry are incompatible.
6) Choose WORDS OF LIFE.
According to Proverbs 18:21, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, And those who love it will eat its fruit.”
Recognize when your words are being destructive and stop talking and withdraw to a quiet place to reflect ask God for His help in how to respond.
If you don’t have something good to say, don’t say it.
7) Choose your FRIENDS wisely.
You become like your five closest friends, so if you want to have a healthy marriage, choose to hang around people with healthy marriages. Be careful spending too much time with people who speak negatively about their spouses.
8) Seek to understand HIS NEEDS, HER NEEDS
Time after time, His Needs, Her Needs has topped the charts as the best marriage book available. More than any other, this book helps husbands and wives give each other what they need most in marriage.
9) “The businessman’s ministry in the marketplace will only advance to the extent his marriage permits.”
This quote comes from Jack Serra, author of Marketplace, Marriage & Revival. That book is my favorite on how-to strengthen your marriage in order to strengthen your career.
10) The best husband is a GOOD FATHER and the best father is a good husband.
Heavenly Father, thank You for Julia, the most valuable gift You have ever given to me besides the gift of salvation. Thank You for the privilege of growing up in a home where my parents modeled a godly marriage. Thank You for the many times and many ways you have protected my marriage and kept me from going astray. May the lessons shared here minister to each reader, providing hope and answers to their families and friends. I pray this in the name of Yeshua, the holy One of Israel. Amen and hallelujah.
Blessings to apply and multiply these lessons in your family and friends!